The Road Less Taken By
The next four days are a full moon and I wonder to myself, what kind of change is afoot?
I can hear my past breathing slowly behind me. Last night I dreamed of when I was in undergrad. I never knew the state of depression I’d be in after school. When school has been all you’ve known, owning your own life and making your own schedule can be intimidating. I loved getting my syllabus. I loved getting a schedule where I could learn something new each semester. I felt like I had a plan and a purpose.
When you do not know or know how to listen to your inner compass, it is difficult to navigate mountains. Mountains disguised as graves. Mountains disguised as fears and major self doubt.
Isn’t that the state of survival?
I do not want to survive. I do not want to live in a shell that is my body. There are some days when I feel I cannot even lift my eyes. And when I do, I have a difficult time seeing past the ceiling as stars.
No, I want to be thriving. I want to live.
I want to stride in my path, sometimes uncertain of the rocks that slide under my ankles, the windy dirt paths that do not show me the end result. I want to breathe like that moment I ran Carvin’s Cove in Roanoke, Virginia. I know in nature I feel humbled because my problems are no longer large. They are just mountains across mother earth. They are just beautiful mountains I need to climb in order to enjoy sunrise and sunset.
Day by day, I’m moving closer to my compass. I’m beginning to listen to my deepest inner most heart of hearts. She begs me to create something every day. I know this is true because when I do not create, I feel reckless, small, a mere fraction of my bright inner living light.
Who the fuck knows where my journey will take me. All I know is that I want the road less taken by. The road covered with wild berries and wildflowers. The road painted in music and poetry and turquoise. The road that allows me to travel across the east coast to the west coast because I’ve fallen in love with both.
I want the road that conjoins with the Rockies. I want the road that beckons my name, sings to me.
Happy new moons light my way.
